The Crow

WOW this is awful. I remember the original Crow film with Brandon Lee (who sadly passed away making the film), which was reasonable but this so called remake, is, simply put, a cinematic train wreck. Eric (The Crow) is, it seems, not really the main character (he's elbowed aside by his drug addict, criminally linked, ex prostitute girlfriend). Apparently Eric, not to be entirely outdone however, is also a drug addict. Both he and the upcoming love interest attend a drug rehab centre, where everyone dresses like extra's from a Pink Panther movie. Oh and poor Eric's a wuss, who's bullied until he and his lady friend escape, have a tryst and are promptly croaked by some bad guys, who are after his dodgy lady friend. At this point and for reasons that seem, to say the least, far fetched, Eric is resurrected, as a mostly inept, anti hero tasked with seeking revenge. Suffice to say, this remake is filled with characters who are deeply unlikable and a central plot that's not only weak tea but make's little rational sense. Backed by a so called love story, that's about as appetising, as a two week old bowl of clam chowder. In summary, the original The Crow film from way back when is a cinematic masterpiece, when compared to this dismal retake. In my opinion, one to avoid.

I think the best plan of attack for this film is to forget all about Brandon Lee's 1994 version and treat this as a stand-alone vehicle for Bill Skarsgård to show off his ninja skills. He's "Eric" who encounters "Shellly" (FKA twigs) and is then promptly embroiled in the devilish machinations of "Roeg" (Danny Huston) who ensures that his hench-woman "Marion" (Laura Birn) kills them both. Turns out, though, that "Eric" still has enough purity of soul left to return to the land of the living and so long as he is touched by true love's kiss sort of thing, will remain immortal long enough to avenge the couple. Yes, there is a crow - the embodiment of his spirit when he goes on his murderous spree, but that whole theme isn't at all developed so let's just forget about that and revert to the whole point of the film - an excuse to pack loads of slaughter, acrobatics and dark, eerie photography into all but two hours of repetitious mediocrity. The camera likes Skarsgård well enough, and there's certainly plenty of him to see here as he takes on all comers. Why were they killed though? Who is "Roeg"? Sure, you can put your own interpretation onto the story if you can be bothered, but director Rupert Sanders has almost entirely focussed on the gloomy and very wet imagery and decided against putting any meat on the bones of the story or the characters. There's a welcome paucity of dialogue throughout and FKA clearly twigged there wasn't much for her to do here so leaves much of the film to her co-star trying his best to be an amalgam of "John Wick" and "Selene" from "Underworld" (2003). It does look good but hasn't an original feather in it's body. It's nice to see Josette Simon (remember "Blake's Seven"?) on the big screen, albeit briefly, but this is really all very disappointing.

Closer to <em>'Morbius'</em> than it is to <em>'The Crow'</em>. That is... A: not even a joke, it honestly felt similar vibe-wise to that infamous <em>'Sony's Spider-Man Universe'</em> movie for large portions. B: not as big a slight as you may think, as I didn't dislike that Jared Leto flick as much as most others did (not saying it's good, mind). Still, this version of the highly regarded 1994 picture isn't all that, I'm afraid. it almost feels like something completely different, they could've altered a few minor things and made an entirely original film to be honest. I found the pacing to be particularly off, while the antagonist(s) are extremely plain throughout. I do have some positives. Bill Skarsgård and FKA Twigs make for a solid pairing, I sensed enough chemistry between them and both their performances are satisfactory. The music is decent, while some of the kills are creatively done and well shown onsreen. All in all, however, it's a thumbs down from me; no copyright infringement intended, Messrs Siskel and Ebert.