Portugal's World Cup Opener: Ronaldo's Kitchen Catastrophe

Listen up! Portugal just flopped like a soggy soufflé with a 1-1 draw against DR Congo in Houston. Ronaldo, the oldest outfield player ever, says, "This is far from over!" But come on, two off-target shots? What are you? An idiot sandwich? They better whip up something special against Uzbekistan next or it’ll be a disaster in the kitchen!